Thursday Thought for the Day!

                                  Thought for the Day! 

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater......for instance........if you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby..............if you give her a house, she'll give you a home..........if you give her groceries, she will give you a meal and if you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

A woman will multiply and enlarge what is given to her..................

So, be ready......cause if you give her any crap, she's gonna give you a ton of shit." Auther Unknown

Have I told you lately how AWESOME I am?

I’m a terrible friend………but I’m not going to take all the blame……how many times have I told you people that you can’t expect TOO MUCH out of me!


Last month, my good friend, Dazee Dreamer, over at ‘Crazy Daze & Nite Dreams’ gave me an award BECAUSE I'M SO AWESOME.....helllloooooooo.    She’s pretty awesome herself and I like her a lot!  I can seriously say that she’s ALMOST as funny and ALMOST as cool as me!   ALMOST!   So if you haven’t went and checked out her blog…..quit being lame and go say hello ….be sure to tell her that I sent you over……actually – if you visit her blog and mention my name, you’ll get a free 48 inch flat-screen TV and a paid subscription to People magazine…….(…..NO - not really…..I just made that up…..she probably won’t give you anything…….but go visit her anyway…..She’s really funny!)

Anyway….she gave me a ‘Versatile Blogger Award’ because I’m SO COOL!

So now I have to tell you 7 things about myself….so here goes…..

1.) I drank A Lot of beer last night and I’m really Gas-y today! I keep farting and blaming it on my co-worker……you know - the one that nobody likes!

2.) If I take all of my clothes off and stand sideways naked in the mirror – I look pregnant!

3.) I LOVE to be the center of attention and I like to talk about myself constantly! (I KNOW you already know this….but sometimes I feel like I need to refresh your memory every now and then!)

Yes, I know……..that’s only 3 things…..but I can’t think of anything else right now – so deal with it!    Oh and another thing, I’m supposed to give this award to a few others that are deserving, but I’m being a BITCH today and don’t feel like sharing!

……………… thanks again Dazee! You’re the Best!

It's tough being a 'Trophy Wife'!

Today I’m feeling fabulous (….just so you know….)……For one – it’s freakin’ FRIDAY, people! (….HOLLER….) I flippin’ LOVE Fridays! (….my favorite day of the week, by the way….)

I stayed up a little too late last night….hellloooo…..softball just isn’t softball without a cold beer in your hand. (……….and NO – NOT ME …… I certainly DON’T PLAY the game……I WATCH HairyMan hit the ball and run around the bases on Thursday nights…….…)  You didn’t actually think ‘I’ went out and played the game, did you?    I’m not Softball material……hellllooooooooo….…what with me being lazy and fat and out of shape and all……(…..the only way I’d be able to run the bases and not pass out - is if I had on an oxygen tank strapped to my back……..)  

Besides.....the softball pants make my butt look big and I wouldn't want to break a nail!

I go to the softball games every week to watch HairyMan …(……and to scope out the hot ‘buff’ men in their tight little softball pants…) HairyMan thinks I go to watch HIM…so what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him, OKAY?  

I find my area, set up my lawn chair – phone in one hand….cooler within arms reach…..sporting sunglasses…(…I prefer the mirrored lenses…so the men don’t know I’m looking at their asses when they walk by…) ….my long blonde tresses blowing in the wind……yes, I’m looking quite fabulous….. in my short-shorts, my long tan smooth shaven legs and my ‘Detroit Tiger Jersey’ that extenuates the twins just so …..

…..well…….that’s enough about ME and how awesome I am……

………….. can I help it that HairyMan expects me to go with him every week due to the fact that I’m his ‘Trophy Wife’ and all……(….I’m just sayin’…….)
(Photo courtesy of the internet)

Thursday Thought for the Day....

Thought for the day
Unlike men.....women don't have to pass gas to amuse themselves!  (...and we have the ability to dress ourselves.)

Today's my birthday, I 'drunk dialed' my Boss, and 'Robo-Cop' doesn't understand why I keep peanut butter in my glove compartment....

1.) Today is my birthday!   Normally I'd be telling you all to go out and buy me presents and tell me how 'fabulous' and 'young' I look for my age....................but then I thought about it..............and that's shit you should be doing for me and telling me on a daily basis anyway..........not just on my birthday, people!  (What is wrong with you guys, anyway?)

2.)  I woke up this weekend (Sunday morning - to be exact) and asked HairyMan if it was a dream or did I really get drunk last night and 'drunk dial' my boss?!  (To which HairyMan replied: "NO, Hun....it wasn't a dream, you REALLY DID 'drunk text' your boss!")

3.) I've decided that I'm gonna go out and buy a garden gnome, tie it to a tree and let my dog pee on it daily!

4.) My friend Chris brought a cake to work today in honor of my birthday........and by 11:00am, I had already eaten half of it!  

5.) You all know how I keep peanut butter in the glove compartment of my car?  Well, try explaining that to a cop, when he asks you what's in the Peanut Butter Jar that he thinks I'm hiding in the glove compartment.............
Robo Cop:  'Ma'ma, what's in the peanut butter jar, ma'ma?"  
ME: (.....with a stupid look on my face.....staring at him in silence for a moment.....like he's some kind of idiot for asking....)  "Seriously?     .....uh........hellllloooo...........peanut butter!" (...and I say it like it's something everybody normally has in the glove compartment....) 
Robo Cop: "Ma'ma, why do you have peanut butter in your glove compartment?" 
ME:  "Do you think I'm fat?" ....(starting to get irritated because he must think I'm some kind of heffer who hides food in my car...)  ....(...which I am.....and I do.....but that's besides the point...)  "Sometimes I get hungry, officer!"   "And I like to be prepared when the hunger panes strike!"   "You see, peanut butter doesn't go bad so I can store it in my car without it molding or getting rancid......do you think that's weird?"  "And please don't call me Ma'ma....it makes me feel old!"  "I also keep plastic spoons in my console, if you must know!"